Kindness, whether expressed through grand gestures or simple acts, plays a significant role in enhancing both personal well-being and community relations. These small connections, often referred to as “weak ties,” are crucial in forming a supportive social environment.
“People often deride small talk as shallow,” Coan stated. “Well, it’s not. Small talk and weak ties are really important. These are the connections we have with people in our community – like the person who runs the coffee shop we visit. Small acts of kindness become more likely when we engage with people at all, and engaging often means making small talk.”
Monkeys on a Plane
In illustrating the importance of human kindness, Coan cited Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, a renowned American evolutionary anthropologist and primatologist, known for her work on human social evolution.
Coan presented a scenario: “Imagine boarding a plane. You’re boarding an airplane that’s going to fly from, say, Dulles to Los Angeles. It’s a long flight. It’s like seven hours. A plane crammed together with a bunch of other people who you don’t know.”
In such cramped conditions, passengers often display considerate behaviors, such as making room for others, assisting with luggage, and enduring minor inconveniences for the sake of others. Coan contrasted this with chimpanzees, our closest genetic relatives, noting that if they were in such a situation, the outcome might be quite different.
Kindness in Crises
Coan emphasized that during crises, human beings tend to exhibit remarkable kindness and cooperation. “When there’s an immediate, acute calamity … the overwhelming evidence all over the world, across cultures, is that people suddenly become the best versions of themselves,” he mentioned. This was evident in the aftermath of the Sept. 11 attacks, when people came together in unexpected unity and support.
He also pointed out the frequent, often overlooked acts of kindness that occur in daily life, such as holding doors or allowing others to go first at a stop sign.
Coan highlighted that unkindness disrupts these vital social connections, making relationships more challenging. “The main thing to understand about unkindness is that it runs counter to connection,” he stressed. A healthier community is often a more connected one, benefitting both individuals and society as a whole.
Simple gestures like saying hello or thank you are likened to “the water we swim in,” laying the groundwork for a flourishing community at any level, from local neighborhoods to entire nations.
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